I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
