When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
