I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
