His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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