First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
COCAINE IS GR8
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
