I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
