I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
