i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
