so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
