she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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