Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
