Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
