do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
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I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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