i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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