Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
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u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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