you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
