Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
