just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Boobs speak an international language.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
