My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
