whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you never un-have a 4some
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
