You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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