My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
