I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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