As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
