i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
