i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
