currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
