i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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