If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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