You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
