I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
