He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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