Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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