I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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