thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
