I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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