in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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