Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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