Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
