i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
