i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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