It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
