So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My vagina is officially offended.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
