Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
