Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
