im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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