Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
