Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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