boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
