so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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