I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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