Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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