This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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