yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
