its not stalking. its research.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
