RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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