What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
