I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
