Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
