i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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