Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
