The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
