How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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