Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's not a walk of shame if you run
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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