and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
