I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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