I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
