You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
