I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
