Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
