guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My cat gives me a boner
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
