Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
