no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
