Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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