i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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