They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
