yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
