exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
