how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
